Eurovision Song Contest - Erklärung für Amerikaner

"For the confused people on my dash, Eurovision is an event where all the European countries have a musician and a song and they all battle it out like the Hunger Games. Only one will come out alive. They will become King of Europe and control the EU and everyone has to speak that language for the year until next Eurovision."

 Und weil's so schön war, gleich noch eine hinterher:

EUROVISION IS A TIME OF FUN AND HILARITY IN WHICH THE NATIONS UNITE TO WATCH GROUPS OF BRIGHTLY COLOURED IDIOTS PERFORMING SONGS THAT ARE CAREFULLY ENGINEERED TO BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOOD MUSIC.

AND YOU HAVE TO TURN THE SUBTITLES ON BECAUSE THEY ARE INVARIABLY THE RESULT OF SOME POOR SOUL TRYING TO TYPE THEM IN REAL-TIME AND IT IS BASICALLY THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF THOSE BOOTLEG MANDARIN LORD OF THE RINGS SUBS.

AND THEN THERE IS ‘VOTING’ WHICH MEANS ‘EVERYONE IN THE BALKANS GIVES EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BALKANS TOP SCORES AND EVERYONE IN WESTERN EUROPE PENALISES EACH OTHER FOR EVERY POLITICAL IRRITATION RECEIVED IN THE PAST YEAR’

AND YOU WATCH THE WHOLE TECHNICOLOUR FAILURE ON THE SOFA WITH SNACKS AND MST3K (Fernsehserie, in der man sich über schlechte Filem lustig macht) THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND IT IS GLORIOUS